just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
