well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sarcasm needs its own font
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize