you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Couch. On fire.
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