Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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