It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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