doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
