she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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