Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
