Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
