Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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