if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
