This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
