erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
