My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she looked like the before picture.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize