Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hippo gnu deer
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
