Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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