i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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