Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
