I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
