i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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