You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
