omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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