I cockslap morals
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
