shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
