FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
