So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
