Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
