remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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