Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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