fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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