WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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