My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
