I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
