gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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