i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me I should be a condom model.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
