Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
