Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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