i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
