Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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