He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
