A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
