Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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