just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize