Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
