Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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