I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize