I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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