yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize