4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
