but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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