as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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