I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
