I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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