my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize