what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
