i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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