hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
