Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
