Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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