If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
