I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
