it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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