Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found your dick twin last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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