i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
