That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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