we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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