I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize