Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
