Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
