I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So many bounce houses so little time
Houston, we have a squirter
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
