if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
